What is Love Really?

Many of us may go our entire lives asking ourselves the question “what is love”? Every one of us desires it, we all search for it, but what is it? Do we know what it is beyond the desire to “be loved?” And besides being loved, what does it mean to love? Intrinsically I think we all know what love is, but the true meaning has become hidden in a blanket of lust. Lust not solely being sexual desire, but also an obsessive desire to be accepted by someone and cared for to the point of wanting love for the sake of what we want love to be. But love is NOT that simple, and often not what we want it to be.

It begins with curiosity to further understand someone, and taking effort to do so. Eventually this transitions to acceptance of who the person is and the desire to be near them and continue discovering who they are. Over some time one becomes drawn to that person. To their expressions, their voice, their laugh, their mannerisms, their scent, their smile, and more. You find yourself accepting all that they are and cherish these things. This is the first stage of beginning to love.

After the first stage, is the further understanding of how that person views things, and understanding why they might act the way they do. This stage is where things get a little more difficult then the first. It requires an act of the will to try to understand this person, and even put them before yourself when you might disagree with their views. It is to let go of some of yourself in order to let the other person into your heart. You make space in your heart for them. You might even find yourself viewing things differently and compromising. Once you begin this stage you have opened your heart to sacrifice for the other person since you have begun to let go of a bit of yourself by choice.

The next stage is giving. Now that you have opened your heart and you’ve let them in, you want to give of yourself. This might be through time, service, touching, gifts, or affirming them. We call these the love languages. But these things are more complex than they seem. Real love is to give even when it is painful, to give even when you might be rejected, to give ANYWAY. To practice these things for the good of the other even if it hurts yourself. Again, it is the lessening of yourself for the good of the other.

This is where love isn’t always what we want it to be. Love is to give even when we receive nothing in return, even when we are rejected and forgotten. It is to continue to give of yourself no matter what might happen. You would rather die than see the other person hurt. You would even sacrifice never seeing them ever again if it only meant they would be safe and happy. Love is not for the sake of oneself, but solely for the sake of the other. It is the emptying completely of yourself for the sake of the other. It is not self seeking, it is not self gratifying. If we think we are in love and are doing things for the sake of what we might get in return, it is not love of the other, but rather of ourselves.

So what is love?

In a way, it is a death of self, where we find ourselves. We become more of who we are when we sacrifice for the sake of another. Where we would be willing to give up absolutely everything, including our lives for another, even if it is painful. It is the willingness to suffer joyfully for the sake of the beloved. Love is beautiful, all giving, undeniably painful, but entirely worth it.